








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1120 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,881 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 730 | 25% |
| Smokes | 677 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 791 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 683 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $331,587 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 100 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | de_benito | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | Damper Cluckney | 69% | 16 |
| #3 | UwU | 67% | 9 |
| #4 | Atom^_^ | 67% | 9 |
| #5 | Skinny PP | 62% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | UwU | 67% | 9 |
| #4 | Atom^_^ | 67% | 9 |
| #5 | Skinny PP | 62% | 13 |
| #6 | Stew | 58% | 12 |
| #7 | Paddy | 57% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paddy | 4 | 0.0122 |
| #2 | Stew | 4 | 0.0142 |
| #3 | Damper Cluckney | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | UwU | 1 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Damper Cluckney | 46 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #2 | Stew | 44 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #3 | de_benito | 26 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | Atom^_^ | 21 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #5 | Paddy | 20 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stew | +4.15 | 56 | 62 |
| #2 | Damper Cluckney | +2.26 | 73 | 59 |
| #3 | Firm Jerm | +0.88 | 47 | 51 |
| #4 | UwU | +0.70 | 66 | 67 |
| #5 | Atom^_^ | -0.16 | 56 | 72 |





