








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
851 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,652 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 458 | 28% |
| Smokes | 213 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 501 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 480 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $224,779 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | z0mb1e | 89% | 9 |
| #2 | Floyd The Pig | 88% | 8 |
| #3 | joe john lover | 78% | 9 |
| #4 | Ken | 75% | 4 |
| #5 | x | 75% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | caprisun | 72% | 18 |
| #8 | DiddyBootyJohnsonfan11 | 71% | 14 |
| #9 | BONKRIPPER | 70% | 10 |
| #10 | Tony | 67% | 6 |
| #11 | Lysander | 63% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BONKRIPPER | 7 | 0.0315 |
| #2 | Lysander | 5 | 0.0156 |
| #3 | Floyd The Pig | 4 | 0.0245 |
| #4 | caprisun | 2 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | Tony | 2 | 0.0187 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | caprisun | 110 | 0.29 | 4 min |
| #2 | DiddyBootyJohnsonfan11 | 86 | 0.28 | 3 min |
| #3 | joe john lover | 72 | 0.36 | 2 min |
| #4 | Lysander | 61 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | Floyd The Pig | 44 | 0.27 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | z0mb1e | +5.08 | 79 | 69 |
| #2 | Tony | +4.21 | 78 | 71 |
| #3 | DiddyBootyJohnsonfan11 | +3.29 | 86 | 59 |
| #4 | joe john lover | +2.68 | 69 | 79 |
| #5 | ryuk | +2.53 | 74 | 52 |





