








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 261 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1079 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,791 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 725 | 26% |
| Smokes | 776 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 729 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 561 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $402,422 of utility $207 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 223 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Samthecheese | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | antelope hiv | 63% | 16 |
| #3 | MasterOfCubesAU | 56% | 25 |
| #4 | A_Cubed3 | 50% | 6 |
| #5 | FawnCobra | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | antelope hiv | 63% | 16 |
| #3 | MasterOfCubesAU | 56% | 25 |
| #4 | A_Cubed3 | 50% | 6 |
| #5 | FawnCobra | 29% | 7 |
| #6 | Bat Fonzi | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MasterOfCubesAU | 4 | 0.0082 |
| #2 | antelope hiv | 3 | 0.0093 |
| #3 | Samthecheese | 1 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Bat Fonzi | 1 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | antelope hiv | 64 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #2 | Samthecheese | 42 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #3 | Bat Fonzi | 30 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | MasterOfCubesAU | 17 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | A_Cubed3 | 2 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cum obama | +4.30 | 80 | 66 |
| #2 | Samthecheese | +2.24 | 69 | 55 |
| #3 | antelope hiv | +1.35 | 84 | 73 |
| #4 | MasterOfCubesAU | -0.49 | 61 | 45 |
| #5 | A_Cubed3 | -3.71 | 53 | 16 |





