








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 191 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
920 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,527 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 542 | 21% |
| Smokes | 572 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 681 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 732 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $447,872 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 469 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | VallatoN | 60% | 42 |
| #2 | Nasu | 50% | 46 |
| #3 | sway | 50% | 64 |
| #4 | b0b | 49% | 61 |
| #5 | biskela | 49% | 94 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sway | 10 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | b0b | 10 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | VallatoN | 7 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | Anssi Mela | 4 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | biskela | 3 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sway | 208 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #2 | biskela | 179 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | Anssi Mela | 127 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | b0b | 72 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | VallatoN | 62 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | biskela | +3.87 | 82 | 61 |
| #2 | sway | +1.64 | 82 | 64 |
| #3 | VallatoN | +1.14 | 72 | 64 |
| #4 | b0b | -0.46 | 58 | 50 |
| #5 | Koutsi | -1.24 | 71 | 48 |





