








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 413 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 78 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
939 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,638 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1390 | 38% |
| Smokes | 876 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 924 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 448 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $387,855 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | LixFell | 50% | 64 |
| #7 | ᶠᵘʳʳʸᵐᵃˢᵗᵉʳ | 48% | 42 |
| #8 | asuka^ | 47% | 15 |
| #9 | r1chx | 46% | 54 |
| #10 | asuka^^^ | 43% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | r1chx | 239 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #2 | Mr.Cock | 190 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #3 | asuka^^^ | 181 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #4 | LixFell | 127 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | SweMom | 112 | 0.21 | 2 min |





