








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 834 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 104 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4002 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,538 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3136 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3118 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 4971 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 4313 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,196,414 of utility $119 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1027 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Roguewolf | 48% | 257 |
| #8 | 50s | 46% | 98 |
| #9 | Yahndi | 45% | 350 |
| #10 | boik | 38% | 37 |
| #11 | ⸸ ♡ ᵐ ᵒ ⁿ ᵏ ♡ ⸸ | 32% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yahndi | 27 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | 50s | 11 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | cyph | 8 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | Telep | 7 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | jabbo | 7 | 0.0088 |





