








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 134 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 82 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1633 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,619 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1476 | 32% |
| Smokes | 845 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 975 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1323 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $528,383 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EselRocktDenBums ☼♫ | 73% | 11 |
| #2 | Errork3ng | 55% | 87 |
| #3 | Croky | 51% | 96 |
| #4 | Conando | 50% | 94 |
| #5 | Janigma | 47% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Janigma | 7 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Errork3ng | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Croky | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Conando | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | EselRocktDenBums ☼♫ | 1 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Janigma | 473 | 0.22 | 10 min |
| #2 | Conando | 237 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | Errork3ng | 220 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | Croky | 159 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | EselRocktDenBums ☼♫ | 72 | 0.31 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EselRocktDenBums ☼♫ | +1.70 | 64 | 82 |
| #2 | Cookie ;) | +1.53 | 70 | 50 |
| #3 | Janigma | +0.39 | 55 | 64 |
| #4 | Errork3ng | +0.14 | 63 | 38 |
| #5 | Conando | -0.44 | 59 | 55 |





