








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 677 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 469 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




125 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5451 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,099 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1913 | 19% |
| Smokes | 4069 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 2917 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1200 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,598,933 of utility $215 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2296 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Baby (With Durag) | 42% | 365 |
| #8 | The Goblin (Green) | 41% | 41 |
| #9 | Keith | 41% | 51 |
| #10 | john counterstrike 2 | 30% | 82 |
| #11 | TheAccelerator | 30% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baby (With Durag) | 84 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | Jizzbert Shartington | 45 | 0.0093 |
| #3 | TheAccelerator | 14 | 0.0100 |
| #4 | john counterstrike 2 | 11 | 0.0066 |
| #5 | mortimer slop | 11 | 0.0086 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baby (With Durag) | 1129 | 0.16 | 27 min |
| #2 | john counterstrike 2 | 492 | 0.29 | 13 min |
| #3 | Jizzbert Shartington | 229 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #4 | mortimer slop | 132 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | Colonel Crinkle Joker | 129 | 0.07 | 4 min |





