








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
61 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 90 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 37 | 41% |
| Smokes | 11 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 14 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 28 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $10,097 of utility $51 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Birdy Baghdaddy | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Shinzo Abe | 50% | 8 |
| #3 | volvo | 33% | 9 |
| #4 | ハンバーガー | 29% | 7 |
| #5 | TamedBarley | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | volvo | 33% | 9 |
| #4 | ハンバーガー | 29% | 7 |
| #5 | TamedBarley | 17% | 6 |
| #6 | Disfigured dog on the sidewalk | 0% | 2 |
| #7 | Gort | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | volvo | 4 | 0.0230 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TamedBarley | 17 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #2 | Shinzo Abe | 7 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #3 | volvo | 6 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #4 | ハンバーガー | 3 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | Birdy Baghdaddy | 3 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TamedBarley | +6.35 | 34 | 59 |
| #2 | volvo | +3.83 | 88 | 35 |
| #3 | Birdy Baghdaddy | +3.52 | 51 | 31 |
| #4 | Shinzo Abe | -1.65 | 16 | 32 |
| #5 | Gort | -2.50 | 6 | 9 |





