








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 57 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1046 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,265 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 398 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1353 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 908 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 606 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $327,539 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Birdy Baghdaddy | 56% | 32 |
| #2 | TamedBarley | 54% | 167 |
| #3 | Shinzo Abe | 53% | 137 |
| #4 | Disfigured dog on the sidewalk | 50% | 14 |
| #5 | volvo | 50% | 170 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Shinzo Abe | 53% | 137 |
| #4 | Disfigured dog on the sidewalk | 50% | 14 |
| #5 | volvo | 50% | 170 |
| #6 | Gort | 42% | 19 |
| #7 | kind | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | volvo | 17 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | TamedBarley | 9 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Shinzo Abe | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Birdy Baghdaddy | 4 | 0.0063 |
| #5 | Gort | 3 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TamedBarley | 423 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #2 | volvo | 243 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #3 | Shinzo Abe | 117 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | kind | 46 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #5 | Birdy Baghdaddy | 20 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | volvo | +4.97 | 84 | 45 |
| #2 | Birdy Baghdaddy | +2.58 | 45 | 36 |
| #3 | TamedBarley | +2.47 | 46 | 55 |
| #4 | kind | +1.29 | 61 | 53 |
| #5 | Shinzo Abe | -1.54 | 35 | 36 |





