








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1030 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,504 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1826 | 41% |
| Smokes | 374 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 1236 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1068 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $94,720 of utility $49 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tosti :) | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | Omegastien | 55% | 67 |
| #3 | Stotzie | 53% | 55 |
| #4 | Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin | 48% | 27 |
| #5 | Prodigy_VIII | 43% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Draymorsouless | 38% | 26 |
| #7 | alcaponed | 20% | 5 |
| #8 | seb | 14% | 7 |
| #9 | jakk | 14% | 7 |
| #10 | sleepy | 13% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stotzie | 10 | 0.0094 |
| #2 | Omegastien | 5 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Tosti :) | 2 | 0.0106 |
| #4 | Prodigy_VIII | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Draymorsouless | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stotzie | 188 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #2 | Omegastien | 128 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin | 63 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | Draymorsouless | 46 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | sleepy | 40 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mork | +3.30 | 76 | 69 |
| #2 | Stotzie | +2.17 | 63 | 68 |
| #3 | alcaponed | +0.06 | 79 | 56 |
| #4 | Tosti :) | -0.01 | 86 | 68 |
| #5 | Omegastien | -0.03 | 61 | 53 |





