








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 385 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 48 matches | ||
| Premier | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2318 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,435 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2656 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2334 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1319 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1126 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $775,614 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 191 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | •BeamMy• | 83% | 18 |
| #2 | PEMBINA UPACARA | 75% | 28 |
| #3 | Kjaerbye | 69% | 45 |
| #4 | Dima | 68% | 25 |
| #5 | ʜ ᴀ ᴅ ᴇ ꜱ | 64% | 189 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | PEMBINA UPACARA | 75% | 28 |
| #3 | Kjaerbye | 69% | 45 |
| #4 | Dima | 68% | 25 |
| #5 | ʜ ᴀ ᴅ ᴇ ꜱ | 64% | 189 |
| #6 | // m4rk | 63% | 197 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | // m4rk | 11 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | PEMBINA UPACARA | 4 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | ʜ ᴀ ᴅ ᴇ ꜱ | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | •BeamMy• | 2 | 0.0058 |
| #5 | Kjaerbye | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ʜ ᴀ ᴅ ᴇ ꜱ | 764 | 0.21 | 17 min |
| #2 | // m4rk | 247 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #3 | Kjaerbye | 112 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | Dima | 84 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | •BeamMy• | 34 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PEMBINA UPACARA | +3.58 | 93 | 6 |
| #2 | Kjaerbye | +2.60 | 78 | 72 |
| #3 | •BeamMy• | +2.55 | 81 | 65 |
| #4 | // m4rk | +1.27 | 74 | 45 |
| #5 | Sushi | +0.75 | 56 | 61 |





