










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 255 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 213 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 190 matches | ||
| Premier | 177 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 173 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 129 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 98 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 83 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
16792 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 55,773 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 15800 | 28% |
| Smokes | 18446 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 8300 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 13227 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,783,585 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 856 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ezelpigu | 90% | 166 |
| #2 | taco | 89% | 83 |
| #3 | blue slime | 89% | 99 |
| #4 | -Silver2k | 89% | 123 |
| #5 | amateratsu | 79% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | // m4rk | 71% | 754 |
| #11 | ʜ ᴀ ᴅ ᴇ ꜱ | 70% | 1141 |
| #12 | npc | 69% | 279 |
| #13 | Xander | 69% | 232 |
| #14 | •BeamMy• | 68% | 342 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ʜ ᴀ ᴅ ᴇ ꜱ | 25 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | // m4rk | 18 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | moooks | 18 | 0.0109 |
| #4 | •BeamMy• | 17 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | npc | 11 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ʜ ᴀ ᴅ ᴇ ꜱ | 5070 | 0.23 | 108 min |
| #2 | // m4rk | 873 | 0.06 | 18 min |
| #3 | •BeamMy• | 474 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #4 | Dima | 392 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #5 | taco | 370 | 0.26 | 12 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | taco | +5.60 | 89 | 73 |
| #2 | blue slime | +4.74 | 93 | 66 |
| #3 | moooks | +3.87 | 88 | 50 |
| #4 | PEMBINA UPACARA | +3.11 | 92 | 7 |
| #5 | Ezelpigu | +3.04 | 76 | 59 |





