










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 271 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
888 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 833 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 233 | 28% |
| Smokes | 219 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 265 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 116 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $564,184 of utility $293 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sixfoot4 | 50% | 8 |
| #2 | Board Certified Cuckologist | 44% | 16 |
| #3 | DarkMage | 43% | 53 |
| #4 | kels | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | Hex | 40% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DarkMage | 5 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Nikotine | 4 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | Board Certified Cuckologist | 3 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | sixfoot4 | 2 | 0.0132 |
| #5 | Hex | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hex | 142 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | DarkMage | 133 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | 1234 | 83 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #4 | GrizzlyMex72 | 66 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | Nikotine | 49 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sixfoot4 | +6.18 | 95 | 65 |
| #2 | kels | +6.05 | 84 | 69 |
| #3 | Board Certified Cuckologist | +5.03 | 98 | 53 |
| #4 | Hex | +0.87 | 66 | 65 |
| #5 | 1234 | +0.48 | 64 | 68 |





