








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 19 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 4 different maps




Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
197 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 429 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 45 | 10% |
| Smokes | 139 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 128 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 117 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $59,181 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Limp Whip | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Gnarf | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | BitchPlease | 64% | 11 |
| #4 | Cup im Cup #Doublecup | 53% | 19 |
| #5 | Buchtelix | 50% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Cup im Cup #Doublecup | 53% | 19 |
| #5 | Buchtelix | 50% | 16 |
| #6 | Jansteffen | 44% | 9 |
| #7 | Whatnever | 38% | 8 |
| #8 | Alrie | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cup im Cup #Doublecup | 42 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #2 | Buchtelix | 22 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Whatnever | 15 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #4 | BitchPlease | 14 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | Jansteffen | 10 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Limp Whip | +2.31 | 48 | 44 |
| #2 | Cup im Cup #Doublecup | +1.24 | 75 | 70 |
| #3 | Buchtelix | +1.01 | 71 | 53 |
| #4 | fABEY :D | +0.47 | 82 | 43 |
| #5 | Gnarf | +0.36 | 81 | 66 |





