








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 230 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1589 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,687 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2106 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1308 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1816 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 457 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $545,830 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 488 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Cobb | 52% | 81 |
| #8 | Japetzky | 50% | 22 |
| #9 | Captain Vac Sparrow | 49% | 59 |
| #10 | turpaanleipuri | 45% | 11 |
| #11 | Creepy | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NASU | 8 | 0.0105 |
| #2 | turpaanleipuri | 8 | 0.0346 |
| #3 | Creepy | 4 | 0.0084 |
| #4 | Cobb | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Captain Vac Sparrow | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain Vac Sparrow | 137 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #2 | Japetzky | 90 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #3 | Cobb | 72 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | NASU | 65 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | ✪ Rambo ✪ | 64 | 0.09 | 2 min |





