








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 74 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
840 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,130 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 982 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1006 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1131 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1011 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $295,591 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jasuon | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | owowowo | 2 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | sp0rk | 2 | 0.0103 |
| #4 | january | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Lol_Imbad | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jasuon | 272 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #2 | Chow Mein Chen | 114 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #3 | a | 105 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Lol_Imbad | 64 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #5 | owowowo | 62 | 0.20 | 2 min |





