










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1341 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 327 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 54 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4875 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,652 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4545 | 24% |
| Smokes | 5190 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4890 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4027 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $695,755 of utility $68 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 473 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Splinterbandit.gg | 51% | 186 |
| #2 | Big Leonardo | 48% | 71 |
| #3 | fluffy the vampire slayer | 45% | 84 |
| #4 | ezooie | 40% | 72 |
| #5 | damon salvator | 33% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Splinterbandit.gg | 51% | 186 |
| #2 | Big Leonardo | 48% | 71 |
| #3 | fluffy the vampire slayer | 45% | 84 |
| #4 | ezooie | 40% | 72 |
| #5 | damon salvator | 33% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ezooie | 20 | 0.0138 |
| #2 | Splinterbandit.gg | 14 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | fluffy the vampire slayer | 13 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | Big Leonardo | 8 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | damon salvator | 5 | 0.0075 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Splinterbandit.gg | 536 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #2 | Big Leonardo | 194 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | ezooie | 138 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | damon salvator | 77 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | fluffy the vampire slayer | 34 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Splinterbandit.gg | +0.98 | 68 | 61 |
| #2 | Joe Barbaro | +0.66 | 68 | 68 |
| #3 | fluffy the vampire slayer | -1.31 | 18 | 33 |
| #4 | ezooie | -2.18 | 22 | 25 |
| #5 | Big Leonardo | -2.27 | 22 | 52 |





