








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 780 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 253 matches | ||
| Faceit | 86 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5259 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,490 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2899 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2606 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 5127 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 1858 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,338,484 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 662 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schlomper | 67% | 39 |
| #2 | NohVoha | 65% | 103 |
| #3 | jamesy 4.0 | 63% | 52 |
| #4 | MyNameJeff | 61% | 113 |
| #5 | OFFLINE PROTECTION | 59% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | MyNameJeff | 61% | 113 |
| #5 | OFFLINE PROTECTION | 59% | 95 |
| #6 | HT | PThirteen | 59% | 152 |
| #7 | крокодил | 58% | 129 |
| #8 | jakeapotamus | 57% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MyNameJeff | 10 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | крокодил | 7 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | NohVoha | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | jakeapotamus | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | jamesy 4.0 | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HT | PThirteen | 556 | 0.17 | 15 min |
| #2 | MyNameJeff | 528 | 0.22 | 15 min |
| #3 | крокодил | 474 | 0.17 | 13 min |
| #4 | jakeapotamus | 344 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #5 | NohVoha | 287 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jamesy 4.0 | +1.76 | 73 | 65 |
| #2 | Toxy | +1.73 | 60 | 55 |
| #3 | HT | PThirteen | +1.21 | 76 | 78 |
| #4 | MyNameJeff | +0.89 | 79 | 82 |
| #5 | крокодил | +0.63 | 69 | 63 |





