








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 724 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 384 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4821 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,330 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5309 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4426 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3775 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3820 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,442,917 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 494 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cURRYgUN(aUTIsm) | 58% | 26 |
| #2 | tjug0 | 58% | 33 |
| #3 | I AM BATMAN | 57% | 30 |
| #4 | Matt | 52% | 113 |
| #5 | Chick with a Dick | 52% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matt | 9 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | I AM BATMAN | 5 | 0.0092 |
| #3 | Hewa | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | tjug0 | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Chick with a Dick | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chick with a Dick | 414 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #2 | Matt | 334 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | Hewa | 101 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | tjug0 | 101 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | cURRYgUN(aUTIsm) | 93 | 0.19 | 2 min |





