








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 212 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1640 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,178 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 594 | 27% |
| Smokes | 794 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 631 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 159 | 7% |
Our logs show you have wasted $364,723 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 340 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smittywarbenjagermanjensen | 50% | 12 |
| #2 | Bluedot | 43% | 113 |
| #3 | MwellM | 43% | 28 |
| #4 | nubloid | 43% | 70 |
| #5 | McCdouble | 41% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | MwellM | 43% | 28 |
| #4 | nubloid | 43% | 70 |
| #5 | McCdouble | 41% | 56 |
| #6 | Beavermore | 35% | 34 |
| #7 | Meme Machine | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bluedot | 29 | 0.0132 |
| #2 | McCdouble | 12 | 0.0112 |
| #3 | MwellM | 6 | 0.0102 |
| #4 | Meme Machine | 6 | 0.0204 |
| #5 | nubloid | 5 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bluedot | 166 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | McCdouble | 87 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | MwellM | 77 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | nubloid | 58 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Beavermore | 5 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MwellM | +2.96 | 67 | 46 |
| #2 | diabeter | +2.68 | 66 | 41 |
| #3 | McCdouble | +2.21 | 71 | 57 |
| #4 | Smittywarbenjagermanjensen | -0.22 | 18 | 25 |
| #5 | nubloid | -1.59 | 37 | 51 |





