










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
544 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,105 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 237 | 11% |
| Smokes | 671 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 825 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 372 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $340,992 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 190 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | diabeter | 43% | 70 |
| #5 | Bluedot | 36% | 69 |
| #6 | McCdouble | 35% | 51 |
| #7 | Meme Machine | 30% | 10 |
| #8 | Beavermore | 22% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bluedot | 24 | 0.0172 |
| #2 | McCdouble | 9 | 0.0092 |
| #3 | diabeter | 5 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Meme Machine | 4 | 0.0196 |
| #5 | MwellM | 3 | 0.0128 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bluedot | 106 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #2 | diabeter | 96 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | McCdouble | 62 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | MwellM | 29 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #5 | Beavermore | 3 | 0.00 | 0 min |





