








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 100 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
678 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,571 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 345 | 13% |
| Smokes | 461 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 983 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 782 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $362,237 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 45 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DJM | 50% | 6 |
| #2 | -Arrow- | 45% | 22 |
| #3 | Sil3NT | 43% | 40 |
| #4 | Perk | 42% | 92 |
| #5 | Eugene | 38% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Perk | 42% | 92 |
| #5 | Eugene | 38% | 73 |
| #6 | YungSchmeat | 38% | 16 |
| #7 | zolo | 36% | 45 |
| #8 | tortellini | 25% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eugene | 8 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Perk | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | -Arrow- | 4 | 0.0091 |
| #4 | tortellini | 3 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | YungSchmeat | 2 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Perk | 502 | 0.27 | 13 min |
| #2 | zolo | 125 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Sil3NT | 109 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Eugene | 106 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | tortellini | 81 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Perk | +5.39 | 90 | 65 |
| #2 | Eugene | +1.90 | 90 | 35 |
| #3 | DJM | +0.06 | 49 | 75 |
| #4 | Sil3NT | -0.09 | 72 | 62 |
| #5 | zolo | -0.74 | 58 | 64 |





