








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 518 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 240 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3379 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,329 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1296 | 13% |
| Smokes | 3037 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3207 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2789 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $522,386 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 141 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Me(n)talHead | 54% | 72 |
| #2 | ☭myoSIN☭ | 53% | 19 |
| #3 | Bundy | 52% | 167 |
| #4 | jeff ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ | 51% | 266 |
| #5 | N7 | 49% | 148 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ☭myoSIN☭ | 53% | 19 |
| #3 | Bundy | 52% | 167 |
| #4 | jeff ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ | 51% | 266 |
| #5 | N7 | 49% | 148 |
| #6 | Superszlai | 48% | 205 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jeff ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ | 18 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | N7 | 10 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | Superszlai | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Bundy | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Me(n)talHead | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Superszlai | 307 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #2 | jeff ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ | 221 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #3 | N7 | 147 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | Bundy | 82 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #5 | Me(n)talHead | 32 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shadow Wizard Money Gang | +1.81 | 54 | 61 |
| #2 | jeff ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ | +1.80 | 48 | 59 |
| #3 | Me(n)talHead | +0.67 | 49 | 51 |
| #4 | Bundy | +0.55 | 39 | 52 |
| #5 | ☭myoSIN☭ | -1.07 | 15 | 39 |





