








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 59 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 60 matches | ||
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2383 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,920 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1379 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1520 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 883 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1138 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $498,704 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | L'Bryan | 6 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | lock your doors. | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | D'Bryan | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | emo boy footjob | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Wenceslaus IV of Bohemia | 2 | 0.0045 |





