








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 52 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




69 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
781 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,255 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 368 | 16% |
| Smokes | 715 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 480 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 692 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $335,046 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 630 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | familyfriendly | 50% | 30 |
| #2 | Kanye | 48% | 94 |
| #3 | E. Jack Ulayte | 47% | 83 |
| #4 | ℘尺ℴ|MeadWizard|℘尺ℴ | 43% | 14 |
| #5 | GannTheMan | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | E. Jack Ulayte | 220 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | 76561198423596452 | 92 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | Kanye | 47 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | familyfriendly | 41 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | ℘尺ℴ|MeadWizard|℘尺ℴ | 39 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | E. Jack Ulayte | +3.54 | 80 | 63 |
| #2 | ℘尺ℴ|MeadWizard|℘尺ℴ | +2.28 | 63 | 51 |
| #3 | familyfriendly | +1.93 | 58 | 51 |
| #4 | Kanye | +0.69 | 31 | 29 |
| #5 | Gashmaster | +0.38 | 31 | 31 |





