








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 289 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 301 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3621 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,828 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1413 | 37% |
| Smokes | 936 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1255 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 224 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,551,056 of utility $209 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 243 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BellaDonna | 50% | 36 |
| #2 | BakerMan™ | 46% | 172 |
| #3 | Lenny | 46% | 35 |
| #4 | zanzy | 45% | 55 |
| #5 | Skuzzy | 45% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Skuzzy | 45% | 55 |
| #6 | cc4Spawn | 44% | 90 |
| #7 | †doomeX†™ | 44% | 82 |
| #8 | Pappa Vic | 43% | 44 |
| #9 | Sassy Jelly Bean | 35% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BakerMan™ | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | cc4Spawn | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Lenny | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | BellaDonna | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | zanzy | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BakerMan™ | 502 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #2 | Skuzzy | 244 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #3 | †doomeX†™ | 185 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | zanzy | 171 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | BellaDonna | 118 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lenny | +1.11 | 61 | 42 |
| #2 | Rekkie | +0.66 | 52 | 46 |
| #3 | †doomeX†™ | +0.46 | 51 | 68 |
| #4 | cc4Spawn | +0.20 | 31 | 54 |
| #5 | Skuzzy | -0.20 | 73 | 65 |





