








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 28 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 118 matches | ||
| Premier | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1951 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,291 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1815 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1448 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1635 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1393 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $411,276 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NoobGetier.aT | 73% | 15 |
| #2 | noah | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | matz | 52% | 31 |
| #4 | DubG | 51% | 43 |
| #5 | ant2n | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | noah | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | matz | 52% | 31 |
| #4 | DubG | 51% | 43 |
| #5 | ant2n | 50% | 10 |
| #6 | vess | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DubG | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | noah | 1 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | ant2n | 1 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | matz | 215 | 0.31 | 6 min |
| #2 | DubG | 214 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #3 | NoobGetier.aT | 29 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | vess | 25 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | noah | 6 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | larv9n | +1.52 | 86 | 67 |
| #2 | matz | +0.60 | 78 | 77 |
| #3 | NoobGetier.aT | +0.22 | 66 | 60 |
| #4 | DubG | -0.40 | 54 | 74 |
| #5 | noah | -1.50 | 76 | 48 |





