








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 145 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 124 matches | ||
| Premier | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1905 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,941 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2533 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1442 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1877 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2089 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $596,814 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | skytidx8 | 63% | 24 |
| #2 | Choki | 58% | 83 |
| #3 | ABSU | 57% | 97 |
| #4 | Gorsky | 57% | 136 |
| #5 | Stunz | 53% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gorsky | 13 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Baxton | 10 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | Stunz | 10 | 0.0129 |
| #4 | ABSU | 9 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | Choki | 6 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baxton | 786 | 0.25 | 20 min |
| #2 | Gorsky | 608 | 0.20 | 17 min |
| #3 | ABSU | 314 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #4 | Choki | 151 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Stunz | 150 | 0.19 | 4 min |





