








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 206 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 56 matches | ||
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5503 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,801 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1980 | 18% |
| Smokes | 3981 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 2647 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2193 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,260,380 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | オティス | 77% | 43 |
| #2 | Chinken | 58% | 106 |
| #3 | メイドインポーランド | 54% | 67 |
| #4 | SonKu | 53% | 323 |
| #5 | PepeLaugh | 51% | 41 |





