








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 722 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 110 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 91 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 59 matches | ||
| Premier | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3185 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,972 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5593 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2711 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 7583 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 7085 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,640,211 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gay Retard | 68% | 37 |
| #2 | The Strangers Simp | 50% | 34 |
| #3 | Keta | 49% | 75 |
| #4 | Hedead | 48% | 98 |
| #5 | timofuay | 44% | 153 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dBison ッ | 1137 | 0.10 | 32 min |
| #2 | timofuay | 415 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #3 | Phantom | 234 | 0.03 | 6 min |
| #4 | Hedead | 133 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | The Strangers Simp | 103 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gay Retard | +4.12 | 57 | 55 |
| #2 | Phantom | +3.14 | 57 | 41 |
| #3 | dBison ッ | +2.15 | 74 | 74 |
| #4 | Hedead | +1.78 | 62 | 57 |
| #5 | The Strangers Simp | -0.89 | 48 | 45 |





