








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 729 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 413 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 44 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4640 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,231 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1456 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1112 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 2763 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 3900 | 42% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,572,112 of utility $226 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1068 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | ChainsawKitty | 39% | 33 |
| #11 | Gerald the Arab | 38% | 56 |
| #12 | Hyper | 37% | 54 |
| #13 | p3achy | 36% | 120 |
| #14 | Kaiyo | 28% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Artemis | 10 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Wizerdo | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Chillbo | 6 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | lil⛧cracker | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Kaiyo | 5 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wizerdo | 475 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #2 | Gerald the Arab | 204 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #3 | lil⛧cracker | 156 | 0.03 | 5 min |
| #4 | Kaiyo | 151 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | Artemis | 148 | 0.04 | 3 min |





