








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 372 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 346 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3778 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,866 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1604 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3955 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 3653 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1654 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,512,852 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 140 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Tex Mex | 48% | 132 |
| #6 | muts | 48% | 279 |
| #7 | iCrisby | 48% | 79 |
| #8 | Traxy | 44% | 99 |
| #9 | Salamander Man | 42% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | muts | 25 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | MoonMan69 | 8 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | черепаха | 7 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Tex Mex | 7 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Traxy | 3 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | muts | 578 | 0.10 | 14 min |
| #2 | черепаха | 500 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #3 | Tex Mex | 428 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #4 | Traxy | 269 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #5 | iCrisby | 244 | 0.15 | 5 min |





