








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1163 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 968 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8674 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 35,350 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11788 | 33% |
| Smokes | 9959 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 8408 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 5195 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,417,577 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 707 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | dittowill | 54% | 147 |
| #8 | -Max-1 | 54% | 294 |
| #9 | MasterWaffle | 53% | 179 |
| #10 | 包皮垢 | 52% | 248 |
| #11 | pudge_ | 43% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ASH | 9 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | MasterWaffle | 8 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | suds | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | ddog | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | -Max-1 | 4 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | suds | 691 | 0.25 | 17 min |
| #2 | ASH | 486 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #3 | -Max-1 | 464 | 0.08 | 13 min |
| #4 | dittowill | 447 | 0.14 | 14 min |
| #5 | 包皮垢 | 305 | 0.06 | 7 min |





