








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 63 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
524 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,336 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 364 | 27% |
| Smokes | 341 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 457 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 174 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $92,062 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | kuripaa | 61% | 23 |
| #6 | D4RKC3DM4N | 59% | 46 |
| #7 | pREAZ | 50% | 18 |
| #8 | DerPenguin | 43% | 7 |
| #9 | Utz | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | D4RKC3DM4N | 162 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | kuripaa | 67 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | PHS | 58 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Utz | 41 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | DerPenguin | 36 | 0.22 | 1 min |





