








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 209 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 81 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1227 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,431 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1047 | 43% |
| Smokes | 643 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 408 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 333 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $444,603 of utility $190 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rattenjunge | 58% | 19 |
| #2 | some guy | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | S.U.N. | 45% | 11 |
| #4 | Illusion of Choice | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rattenjunge | 58% | 19 |
| #2 | some guy | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | S.U.N. | 45% | 11 |
| #4 | Illusion of Choice | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rattenjunge | 42 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | Illusion of Choice | 22 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #3 | some guy | 22 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | S.U.N. | 20 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | some guy | +1.62 | 89 | 55 |
| #2 | Somatic | +1.05 | 73 | 61 |
| #3 | S.U.N. | -0.90 | 35 | 57 |
| #4 | Rattenjunge | -1.45 | 49 | 55 |
| #5 | Illusion of Choice | -2.48 | 66 | 57 |





