








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 234 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 34 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
622 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,379 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 449 | 33% |
| Smokes | 417 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 268 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 245 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $240,916 of utility $222 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Muffeltier | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | Somatic | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | Rattenjunge | 52% | 21 |
| #4 | Kiba | 45% | 22 |
| #5 | Illusion of Choice | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | S.U.N. | 40% | 10 |
| #7 | tutensuppe | 36% | 11 |
| #8 | Schubert- | 33% | 3 |
| #9 | WaterLemon | 30% | 20 |
| #10 | Aalhändler | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Illusion of Choice | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Kiba | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WaterLemon | 62 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | Illusion of Choice | 53 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | Rattenjunge | 37 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | Muffeltier | 19 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #5 | S.U.N. | 18 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | some guy | +2.55 | 82 | 63 |
| #2 | Somatic | +1.18 | 66 | 61 |
| #3 | Schubert- | +0.91 | 68 | 57 |
| #4 | Illusion of Choice | -0.14 | 50 | 61 |
| #5 | S.U.N. | -0.31 | 49 | 41 |





