








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1464 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 305 matches | 1,773 | |
| Premier | 117 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 102 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3833 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,843 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3203 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4056 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4732 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2852 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,897,929 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Breacher | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | BENSAX | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | Deva LaGutt | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | frogman | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | mQller | 2 | 0.0020 |





