








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 447 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 60 matches | ||
| Premier | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 104 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2654 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,061 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2095 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3097 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1698 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 3171 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,624,619 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1172 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | DrMrTayco | 35% | 307 |
| #5 | Captain Tuna | 34% | 210 |
| #6 | LudikrisPhish | 33% | 72 |
| #7 | Glizzard Wizard | 33% | 112 |
| #8 | tits and corporation | 31% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JeffreyJ | 17 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | DrMrTayco | 13 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Captain Tuna | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | LudikrisPhish | 5 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | tits and corporation | 4 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DrMrTayco | 1024 | 0.16 | 20 min |
| #2 | JeffreyJ | 732 | 0.14 | 21 min |
| #3 | Captain Tuna | 692 | 0.16 | 20 min |
| #4 | Glizzard Wizard | 372 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #5 | tits and corporation | 227 | 0.13 | 6 min |





