








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 923 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 54 matches | ||
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Esplay | 17 matches | 1,878 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 124 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2223 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,810 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2239 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2186 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1449 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1936 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $576,025 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 343 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nine | 68% | 31 |
| #2 | d9ntklick | 66% | 35 |
| #3 | Carl | 65% | 20 |
| #4 | mattsson | 65% | 31 |
| #5 | Sparrow | 64% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Golf R $LAP | 172 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | d9ntklick | 110 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | Carl | 86 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #4 | mattsson | 69 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Square | 48 | 0.16 | 1 min |





