








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 787 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 636 matches | ||
| Wingman | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 156 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5039 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,229 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1014 | 5% |
| Smokes | 7138 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 8166 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 2911 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,831,770 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 138 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Edvardens | 50% | 352 |
| #10 | Shiiiva | 50% | 151 |
| #11 | Patriotas | 49% | 181 |
| #12 | ZaliasKepuriuks | 44% | 70 |
| #13 | Souliens | 44% | 147 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -4cme. | 22 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | nut | 21 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Patriotas | 16 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | Shiiiva | 13 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | Souliens | 8 | 0.0026 |





