








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 226 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 79 matches | ||
| Premier | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1563 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,317 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1156 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1993 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1769 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1399 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $635,978 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 203 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | return to monke | 61% | 56 |
| #2 | Asda Salad Cream | 52% | 60 |
| #3 | euan | 51% | 116 |
| #4 | Tonka742 | 50% | 105 |
| #5 | Mlender Saan | 45% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Asda Salad Cream | 52% | 60 |
| #3 | euan | 51% | 116 |
| #4 | Tonka742 | 50% | 105 |
| #5 | Mlender Saan | 45% | 22 |
| #6 | Priced In | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tonka742 | 7 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | euan | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | return to monke | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Asda Salad Cream | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Priced In | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tonka742 | 553 | 0.25 | 14 min |
| #2 | Asda Salad Cream | 230 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #3 | euan | 205 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | return to monke | 62 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Mlender Saan | 53 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Asda Salad Cream | +2.99 | 73 | 64 |
| #2 | Tonka742 | +2.91 | 76 | 68 |
| #3 | Skippy 3X | -0.24 | 75 | 59 |
| #4 | Priced In | -0.51 | 66 | 39 |
| #5 | euan | -1.22 | 56 | 50 |





