








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 78 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
914 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,107 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 928 | 30% |
| Smokes | 791 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 767 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 621 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $172,674 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NeneTheThird | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | sehcaeP | 71% | 24 |
| #3 | chow ™ | 70% | 23 |
| #4 | __GET_JACKED__ | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | Cloaca flavored Popcorn | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chow ™ | 2 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | How | 1 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | NeneTheThird | 1 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | Stone Cold Steve Autism | 1 | 0.0089 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | __GET_JACKED__ | 66 | 0.40 | 2 min |
| #2 | chow ™ | 50 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | Cloaca flavored Popcorn | 39 | 0.27 | 1 min |
| #4 | Toe Knee | 21 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | NeneTheThird | 12 | 0.10 | 0 min |





