








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 85 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 39 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
446 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,278 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 546 | 24% |
| Smokes | 564 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 652 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 516 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $367,683 of utility $255 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 132 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Mike S | 54% | 26 |
| #10 | Scheit0 | 51% | 39 |
| #11 | Tonitiger 赤の虎 | 50% | 4 |
| #12 | V3nm | 48% | 42 |
| #13 | [AiR] RW™ | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mike S | 3 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | mannYW♿W*Wohnungsofficenuel* | 1 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | MaXXimuS | 1 | 0.0139 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V3nm | 172 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | Mike S | 56 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | mannYW♿W*Wohnungsofficenuel* | 27 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | Scheit0 | 25 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | LALEEEE | 25 | 0.28 | 1 min |





