








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 20 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1075 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,785 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1605 | 42% |
| Smokes | 1015 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 437 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 728 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $200,966 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ㊛KrazyBeaver | 57% | 23 |
| #2 | Stirfryrai | 56% | 54 |
| #3 | Krispyniku | 52% | 25 |
| #4 | Shinkan | 46% | 76 |
| #5 | Phonogram Man | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stirfryrai | 8 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | Shinkan | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | Krispyniku | 4 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | < blank > | 3 | 0.0083 |
| #5 | june | 3 | 0.0090 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stirfryrai | 432 | 0.40 | 11 min |
| #2 | Shinkan | 414 | 0.27 | 12 min |
| #3 | Krispyniku | 82 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | NightmareOnUrSt | 59 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #5 | < blank > | 52 | 0.14 | 1 min |





