








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 46 matches | ||
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
703 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,640 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 791 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1296 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1307 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1246 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $207,369 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Narrowi | 73% | 11 |
| #2 | ALWAYS SOBER FINLAND | 63% | 8 |
| #3 | Kronek | 51% | 83 |
| #4 | noutis | 47% | 79 |
| #5 | Kondoor | 45% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | noutis | 47% | 79 |
| #5 | Kondoor | 45% | 55 |
| #6 | bates | 44% | 59 |
| #7 | McSiiseli | 42% | 33 |
| #8 | eisitte | 15% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kronek | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | noutis | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Kondoor | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | ALWAYS SOBER FINLAND | 2 | 0.0119 |
| #5 | eisitte | 1 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | noutis | 219 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #2 | bates | 158 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | Kronek | 156 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | McSiiseli | 140 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #5 | Kondoor | 129 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ALWAYS SOBER FINLAND | +4.44 | 45 | 74 |
| #2 | bates | +2.04 | 70 | 72 |
| #3 | noutis | +1.84 | 46 | 79 |
| #4 | Kronek | +0.31 | 55 | 68 |
| #5 | Neylah | -1.29 | 32 | 68 |





