








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 746 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 180 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 61 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




72 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2134 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,356 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2129 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1659 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1794 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 774 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $938,502 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 47 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quran | 24 | 0.0077 |
| #2 | Garchomp | 19 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | Crucity | 14 | 0.0105 |
| #4 | ✪ | 9 | 0.0094 |
| #5 | Zakari | 7 | 0.0088 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mushygas | 399 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #2 | Quran | 320 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #3 | Crucity | 157 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | ✪ | 156 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | Garchomp | 130 | 0.08 | 3 min |





