








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
495 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,335 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 447 | 19% |
| Smokes | 324 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 694 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 870 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $179,368 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | MaNasty | 44% | 9 |
| #8 | WaifuMane | 44% | 34 |
| #9 | Tthanskis | 36% | 28 |
| #10 | Big Daddy Meat Tree | 33% | 30 |
| #11 | Blue | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Cheter | 14 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | Wind Turbine | 8 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | MaNasty | 8 | 0.0503 |
| #4 | Clifford the Big Red Bolshevik | 6 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | Big Daddy Meat Tree | 5 | 0.0084 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Cheter | 241 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #2 | Wind Turbine | 102 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | WaifuMane | 102 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Big Daddy Meat Tree | 101 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | Clifford the Big Red Bolshevik | 57 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wind Turbine | +3.77 | 70 | 50 |
| #2 | Dirty Cheter | +3.72 | 84 | 66 |
| #3 | Tthanskis | +2.86 | 74 | 51 |
| #4 | Big Daddy Meat Tree | +1.81 | 90 | 62 |
| #5 | Whalevalanche | +0.42 | 77 | 56 |





