








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 506 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 191 matches | ||
| Wingman | 90 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Esplay | 16 matches | 1,742 | |
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3703 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,628 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1314 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2256 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1958 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1100 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,540,551 of utility $193 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 257 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Conrad | 63% | 24 |
| #2 | Kaerleken | 62% | 21 |
| #3 | Fader Nisl | 56% | 101 |
| #4 | uxBaba Yaga | 53% | 30 |
| #5 | Atlas</< | 46% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Fader Nisl | 56% | 101 |
| #4 | uxBaba Yaga | 53% | 30 |
| #5 | Atlas</< | 46% | 28 |
| #6 | OTTER | 42% | 253 |
| #7 | solplanta | 37% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OTTER | 12 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Fader Nisl | 8 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Conrad | 3 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | Atlas</< | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | solplanta | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fader Nisl | 327 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | OTTER | 271 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #3 | solplanta | 100 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | uxBaba Yaga | 83 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | Atlas</< | 76 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaerleken | +4.14 | 94 | 54 |
| #2 | uxBaba Yaga | +2.89 | 58 | 70 |
| #3 | Conrad | +2.85 | 60 | 66 |
| #4 | Atlas</< | +2.00 | 55 | 58 |
| #5 | EloliPoP | +1.78 | 57 | 47 |





