








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1182 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 245 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 134 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2519 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,676 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3546 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3924 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3830 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3376 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $965,497 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 283 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Milk Drinker | 52% | 21 |
| #6 | bucketguy | 51% | 51 |
| #7 | Mean | 50% | 24 |
| #8 | datboicold27 | 50% | 133 |
| #9 | kj | 49% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kj | 7 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | datboicold27 | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Jutz | 5 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Milk Drinker | 5 | 0.0107 |
| #5 | bucketguy | 4 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kj | 306 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #2 | Jutz | 229 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #3 | datboicold27 | 135 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | bucketguy | 97 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | iadoq | 89 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mean | +4.09 | 73 | 65 |
| #2 | Jutz | +3.57 | 77 | 56 |
| #3 | iadoq | +3.19 | 79 | 61 |
| #4 | kj | +1.78 | 75 | 56 |
| #5 | bucketguy | +0.96 | 74 | 49 |





